I am amazed how many people have asked me if we are still going to adopt after what happened to us with our February failed adoption. Of course we are! We have made that abundantly clear, yet even as the words come out of my mouth people will say to me "yeah, but with what happened and all, I didn't think you would do it again."
I know I should cut people slack who aren't familiar with the joys and heartache that can go along with open adoption, but I can't always be so perfect as to not get pissed once in a while.
For those not familiar with open adoption, failed adoptions can be a part of the process, and hopefully anyone doing an open adoption is aware of that challenge and can handle it emotionally. We know many people who say they can't handle the possibility of a failed adoption, or even the roller coaster ride that sometimes happens with open adoption.
That is not us. We went into this fully aware of how open adoption works and the risks involved. Hell yes, we were emotionally devastated when our adoption fell apart, but we NEVER, EVER had any thoughts of quitting. We know in our hearts that the right baby and birthparents will find us. I am sorry if you can't understand that or can't bare to watch us go through it because it might not come in a neatly wrapped package.
Open adoption is a journey that leads to beautiful results. Certainly you can see that if you know our daughter Maggie. We are the luckiest people alive to be picked by her birthmother to raise her. Not a day goes by that we don't think about how grateful we are for the little miracle we have been entrusted.
I am so sorry for those who do not understand the beauty of open adoption. We fully appreciate it and know we will find the baby that was meant for us through it.
If you happen to read this post, please don't ask me if we are quitting. We wouldn't be who we are if we quit. We are so tougher than that, and our love for our daughter and future baby wouldn't allow it.
Peace~
Kathy
Showing posts with label open adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label open adoption. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Maggie was delighted to learn that today was both pizza day at school and St. Patrick's Day, so much that she started seeing leprechans in our backyard and on the way to school.
During our breakfast time discussion, we discussed what it means to be Irish and what people do on St. Patrick's Day. I explained to her that some of my anscestors and Lisa's ancestors were Irish, so that made us part Irish. She wanted to know if her birthmother was part Irish, or if she celebrated St. Patrick's Day. This was a "wow" moment because I think it is the first time she really verbalized this type of understanding of her adoption.
I told Maggie I didn't think her birthparents had any Irish in them, but that lots of people who aren't Irish like to celebrate St. Patrick's Day by wearing green and drinking green beer (yes, green beer is on my mind). I agreed I would ask her birthmother if she celebrated St. Patrick's Day.
I explained to her that with a name like Maggie Aileen Kelly, she was kind of adopted into at least a little bit of Irish because her moms are part Irish and have an Irish name. She liked that idea--any excuse to celebrate a fun holiday, right! I am sure she will decide for herself later whether she wants to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Until then, today she put on her green shirt and socks and yelled Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone! (My girl likes any excuse to celebrate).
On a side note, I don't know how we ended up giving her such an Irish-sounding name. I guess we had to go with our last name Kelly, and "Maggie" was the only name that jumped at us at the time, and her birthmother picked Aileen. So, I am sure there will be times when someone is calling out her name and will look right past her because they will be looking for a little Irish-looking girl.
In any event, whether you are truly Irish or not, Happy St. Patrick's Day for whatever that means to you.
During our breakfast time discussion, we discussed what it means to be Irish and what people do on St. Patrick's Day. I explained to her that some of my anscestors and Lisa's ancestors were Irish, so that made us part Irish. She wanted to know if her birthmother was part Irish, or if she celebrated St. Patrick's Day. This was a "wow" moment because I think it is the first time she really verbalized this type of understanding of her adoption.
I told Maggie I didn't think her birthparents had any Irish in them, but that lots of people who aren't Irish like to celebrate St. Patrick's Day by wearing green and drinking green beer (yes, green beer is on my mind). I agreed I would ask her birthmother if she celebrated St. Patrick's Day.
I explained to her that with a name like Maggie Aileen Kelly, she was kind of adopted into at least a little bit of Irish because her moms are part Irish and have an Irish name. She liked that idea--any excuse to celebrate a fun holiday, right! I am sure she will decide for herself later whether she wants to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Until then, today she put on her green shirt and socks and yelled Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone! (My girl likes any excuse to celebrate).
On a side note, I don't know how we ended up giving her such an Irish-sounding name. I guess we had to go with our last name Kelly, and "Maggie" was the only name that jumped at us at the time, and her birthmother picked Aileen. So, I am sure there will be times when someone is calling out her name and will look right past her because they will be looking for a little Irish-looking girl.
In any event, whether you are truly Irish or not, Happy St. Patrick's Day for whatever that means to you.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Waiting....
Like so many adoptive parents, waiting is such a difficult process. Having virtually no control over whether the phone rings today, next week, or many months from now is a hard one to sit with. Wait, wait, wait.
I imagine there are people who are laid back and just go on with their lives until they get the magical call. Unfortunately, I am definitely not one of those people. I don't like to think of myself as obsessive, but I have always obsessed about the adoption process (both with Maggie and now this adoption). It's funny because most people would see Lisa as the control freak--or the one who needs to control what is happening in her life. The truth on this one is that I obsess about it all the time, and Lisa is much more relaxed about it.
I wonder, is there something I could be doing to help us build our family? A lot of the time I must feel like there is since I troll the web about adoption stuff pretty regularly. Other times I think the right baby will find us on its own time-table. That was certainly the case with Maggie--a brutal, 18 month wait---but, oh so worth the wait. Or, I think God has a plan for us, and it won't matter what I do and don't do, so I should stop thinking about it.
Tonight I am running the first adoption support group for people who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender (LGBT) for my job --I also opened it up to straight people who are adopting, but I am not sure if they will come). I certainly know how lonely the adoption wait can be, so I am hoping others will come so we can share our experiences together, and give each other support and tips to help each of us through this process.
Other than that, I am feeling stuck in the mud today. No pictures yet from the photo shoot. No new draft of our website. Nothing happening with us from the agency today. Nothing that I know of happening on the adoption front. And that is the thing--you never know when something might be happening and you don't even know it!
In closing, today has been a great afternoon with Maggie. We came home from school and she was able to read a 30 page book quickly and without any help from me (this is a big hooray!). Then she decided she was going to make a fruit salad for a healthy snack--she put in everything but the kitchen sink, and covered herself in it as she ate it. Now we are heading off to karate before my group tonight.
Take care if you are out there!
I imagine there are people who are laid back and just go on with their lives until they get the magical call. Unfortunately, I am definitely not one of those people. I don't like to think of myself as obsessive, but I have always obsessed about the adoption process (both with Maggie and now this adoption). It's funny because most people would see Lisa as the control freak--or the one who needs to control what is happening in her life. The truth on this one is that I obsess about it all the time, and Lisa is much more relaxed about it.
I wonder, is there something I could be doing to help us build our family? A lot of the time I must feel like there is since I troll the web about adoption stuff pretty regularly. Other times I think the right baby will find us on its own time-table. That was certainly the case with Maggie--a brutal, 18 month wait---but, oh so worth the wait. Or, I think God has a plan for us, and it won't matter what I do and don't do, so I should stop thinking about it.
Tonight I am running the first adoption support group for people who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender (LGBT) for my job --I also opened it up to straight people who are adopting, but I am not sure if they will come). I certainly know how lonely the adoption wait can be, so I am hoping others will come so we can share our experiences together, and give each other support and tips to help each of us through this process.
Other than that, I am feeling stuck in the mud today. No pictures yet from the photo shoot. No new draft of our website. Nothing happening with us from the agency today. Nothing that I know of happening on the adoption front. And that is the thing--you never know when something might be happening and you don't even know it!
In closing, today has been a great afternoon with Maggie. We came home from school and she was able to read a 30 page book quickly and without any help from me (this is a big hooray!). Then she decided she was going to make a fruit salad for a healthy snack--she put in everything but the kitchen sink, and covered herself in it as she ate it. Now we are heading off to karate before my group tonight.
Take care if you are out there!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Another busy weekend
Well, we made it through another busy weekend. Truth be told, we always have busy weekends, especially since Maggie was born.
I was so planning on being organized for our photo shoot on Saturday. Friday, I was planning on trying on different outfits to see what looked best for us to wear Saturday. That didn't happen. Maggie talked us into letting her sleep in our room Friday, and we all ended up going to sleep by 8:30! I woke back up about 10:30 and stayed up late, but it was too late for anything like planning our clothes--especially since Lisa was sound asleep. The weather still couldn't make up its mind whether it was going to Winter or Spring-like, so that definitely added to the challenge.
So, instead of being super organized, we woke up late Saturday and rushed to get everyone showered and simply clothed before the noon photo shoot. You wouldn't think that would have been such a difficult task, but everyone was tired and we all slept too late. We like to relax in the morning if we don't have to be at work or school, and sometimes we take that relaxation a little too far and misjudge our timing of getting ready.
I hope the clothes we wore were okay. Of course, Maggie always looks amazing, so that won't be an issue. Hopefully, our photographer, Ian, took such great photos that you won't even notice what we are wearing. Though, I am a little skeptical of the photos. Since we weren't relaxed like I had hoped, and we took so many photos, I feel like I am going to look like I had this phoney looking fake smile on my face (let alone my other imperfections). Oh, and did I mention my 6 year old daughter woke up with her first pimple on her face that day! Oh well. It is done. I am just hoping for the best.
Right after the photo shoot Maggie had her first soccer game of the season. She hadn't practiced with the team yet since her practice was rained out the Wednesday before, but we eventually managed to find the team and get in the game. Maggie looked adorable in her little soccer uniform. Her little legs look so athletic, so it will be interesting to see if she takes to soccer now that she is a little older. I thought she did really well given she didn't know anyone and hadn't played on a soccer team since she was 3 (if you could call 3 year old soccer "playing"). After the game, we went and bought some new shin guards and cleats, which I should have done before the game. They told me the kids at this age didn't need cleats, etc., but when we got there those kids were all decked out and taking the game quite seriously.
Sunday we had to face the lost hour of sleep through day-light's saving time. We all felt rough for what was an especially busy day for us. Lisa and Maggie spent a long mornng/afternoon at church, while I took care of some things at home. After church, I was on duty for the pop star birthday party Maggie was attending, and then followed by a Daisy Girl Scout meeting. Maggie looked exhausted by the end of Daisy Scouts, but if you know my girl, she was so "I am not tired, who can I have a play date with?"
We had to call it a day for her own good. Lisa worked with Maggie on her reading while I went to the grocery store for some much needed groceries. Before we had Maggie, Lisa and I could live off of no groceries for days as long as we had soda in the fridge. Now, we keep much better eating habits.
I made dinner because I realized we were getting way out of control with eating out. We have been allowing ourselves to eat out a lot more since the adoption fell apart. Typically we try to limit eating out so we can eat healthier and have a nice family meal around our dinner table. Plus, we realized after taking our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course that we were spending a ton of money on eating out that could be better spent elsewhere. Needless to say, I bought enough groceries so we can start eating home more most of the time.
Hopefully this week we will see our new adoption website. I know there is a draft that the design person is working on, so I am anxious to see it when it is done. I think we are ready to step up our marketing so we can get our profile in front of more birthmothers.
I read an article this morning about a local woman who wrote a book about her adoption journey. Her name is Rebecca Falco, and she has 5 children through open adoption. Though it made me feel optimistic that we can adopt again, it also made me frustrated that she has 5 children through open adoption, and we are struggling to add a second child to our family. I am sure if I read her book it wasn't as easy as it looks on the outside.
Peace!
Kathy
I was so planning on being organized for our photo shoot on Saturday. Friday, I was planning on trying on different outfits to see what looked best for us to wear Saturday. That didn't happen. Maggie talked us into letting her sleep in our room Friday, and we all ended up going to sleep by 8:30! I woke back up about 10:30 and stayed up late, but it was too late for anything like planning our clothes--especially since Lisa was sound asleep. The weather still couldn't make up its mind whether it was going to Winter or Spring-like, so that definitely added to the challenge.
So, instead of being super organized, we woke up late Saturday and rushed to get everyone showered and simply clothed before the noon photo shoot. You wouldn't think that would have been such a difficult task, but everyone was tired and we all slept too late. We like to relax in the morning if we don't have to be at work or school, and sometimes we take that relaxation a little too far and misjudge our timing of getting ready.
I hope the clothes we wore were okay. Of course, Maggie always looks amazing, so that won't be an issue. Hopefully, our photographer, Ian, took such great photos that you won't even notice what we are wearing. Though, I am a little skeptical of the photos. Since we weren't relaxed like I had hoped, and we took so many photos, I feel like I am going to look like I had this phoney looking fake smile on my face (let alone my other imperfections). Oh, and did I mention my 6 year old daughter woke up with her first pimple on her face that day! Oh well. It is done. I am just hoping for the best.
Right after the photo shoot Maggie had her first soccer game of the season. She hadn't practiced with the team yet since her practice was rained out the Wednesday before, but we eventually managed to find the team and get in the game. Maggie looked adorable in her little soccer uniform. Her little legs look so athletic, so it will be interesting to see if she takes to soccer now that she is a little older. I thought she did really well given she didn't know anyone and hadn't played on a soccer team since she was 3 (if you could call 3 year old soccer "playing"). After the game, we went and bought some new shin guards and cleats, which I should have done before the game. They told me the kids at this age didn't need cleats, etc., but when we got there those kids were all decked out and taking the game quite seriously.
Sunday we had to face the lost hour of sleep through day-light's saving time. We all felt rough for what was an especially busy day for us. Lisa and Maggie spent a long mornng/afternoon at church, while I took care of some things at home. After church, I was on duty for the pop star birthday party Maggie was attending, and then followed by a Daisy Girl Scout meeting. Maggie looked exhausted by the end of Daisy Scouts, but if you know my girl, she was so "I am not tired, who can I have a play date with?"
We had to call it a day for her own good. Lisa worked with Maggie on her reading while I went to the grocery store for some much needed groceries. Before we had Maggie, Lisa and I could live off of no groceries for days as long as we had soda in the fridge. Now, we keep much better eating habits.
I made dinner because I realized we were getting way out of control with eating out. We have been allowing ourselves to eat out a lot more since the adoption fell apart. Typically we try to limit eating out so we can eat healthier and have a nice family meal around our dinner table. Plus, we realized after taking our Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course that we were spending a ton of money on eating out that could be better spent elsewhere. Needless to say, I bought enough groceries so we can start eating home more most of the time.
Hopefully this week we will see our new adoption website. I know there is a draft that the design person is working on, so I am anxious to see it when it is done. I think we are ready to step up our marketing so we can get our profile in front of more birthmothers.
I read an article this morning about a local woman who wrote a book about her adoption journey. Her name is Rebecca Falco, and she has 5 children through open adoption. Though it made me feel optimistic that we can adopt again, it also made me frustrated that she has 5 children through open adoption, and we are struggling to add a second child to our family. I am sure if I read her book it wasn't as easy as it looks on the outside.
Peace!
Kathy
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