Thursday, April 7, 2011

Fool me twice, I don't think so

We started the morning with Maggie running into my room saying her first loose tooth came out in the middle of the night. It was nowhere to be found, and I was grateful she didn't bleed all over the rental house bed she was in. It just disappeared. Fortunately, I had read the evening before that kids can swallow their loose teeth while sleeping, and there is no need to worry. Anyway, Maggie was so excited and rushed down to tell everyone in the house. The two other kids her age were not so pleased because they haven't lost any teeth yet, but the adults made a big deal about it.

Riding the ferry to the Magic Kingdom

We had a great day at Disney World. It took us a while to get there, but when we finally made it, we had a good time. It was the first year Maggie was so into the rides, and she wanted to ride and ride. She has also developed fear of certain rides that she has been going on for years. I always worried when she was 2 that she had no sense of fear, but now I see it coming in :-)

Maggie loves riding the cars now!

At Disney World, Maggie spent the first half of the day telling anyone who would listen that she lost her tooth. She enjoyed sporting her new toothless look.

My cell phone hasn't been working well since we arrived down in the Orlando area. The reception has been terrible. While at the park, I rebooted it for some reason, and up came a message from the day before from our adoption agency. At first I was panicked thinking they might have called us for a last minute hospital match and we missed the window of opportunity because of our crappy cell reception. Then I was frustrated that when I called the agency the call kept dropping. Finally, I used a friend's phone and was able to learn more about the situation they were calling about (they never call us just to say hello, so when they call it is usually good news when you are in the pre-match phase).

They presented us with a situation that sounded pretty good. They sent us a file that evening so I could read more about the situation while not in the middle of Disney World. According to the information we received, the birthmother was due May 4th with a baby girl. Supposedly she has had good prenatal care and everyone was healthy. And she is only 26 years old.

The more I learned about the situation, the more I became suspicious. Heck yeah, we are trying to be extra careful after our last situation. We both slept on it, and in the morning we compiled a list of questions to follow up with the adoption agency about. Thank God we are experienced enough to know what questions to ask--otherwise, I think we would have signed up for what I predict will be a very expensive and possibly huge mess of an adoption experience. Red flags everywhere. All sorts of adoption costs required to meet Colorado law's requirements. The birthfather story was inconsistent, and we weren't falling for the that again. And finally, apparently, where she lives in Colorado, she has 30 days to change her mind about the adoption. No way are we entering into an adoption for 30 days and have the baby taken back from us. I have read about people who have experienced this long of a failed adoption, and there is no way I can mentally afford it. 5 days almost wrecked me. I can't imagine risking 30 days. God bless the families that can handle that kind of risk.

I am a little peeved at the caseworker who presented this case to us. I wouldn't exactly say she was honest with us. She took the approach to only answer the questions we asked, and to not warn us about the possible trouble spots. I think they are having a hard time placing this birthmother because of all the issues we are concerned about, and possibly more, so it felt a little like a used car salesperson selling us the situation. I know that is wrong on so many levels to compare the two, but that is what is felt like. If we were not experienced with open adoption, we would have blindly walked into this mind field. I hope whoever does take it on that it works out for them. I would hate for them to experience what we experienced with our failed adoption. The tempting part is that it so close to being born that it got me excited.

I don't know if the agency thinks the Kelly's just have unlimited funds and room in our hearts to handle this adoption, but I find it really odd they presented it to us, and in such a non-straightforward way. I guess I will have a little chat with them this week about it all. Though we live comfortably, we are not made of money and are not going to get consumed by emotions and make bad decisions.

I know they should present all situations to us when a birth mother has chosen us even if it doesn't meet our filters. But, for goodness sakes, be honest about the details of the situation.

Well, we are off to our final day of the Magic Kingdom tomorrow, so I should get to bed. We will likely be at the park all day and pray that it is not as crowded as it was on Wednesday. We are ending the day with a princess dinner in Cinderella's castle. Maggie will love all the princess stuff going on, so it should be delightful. It may just be the last year of Princesses because many of my friends have told me that their kids grow out of it at 6-7 years old. I wouldn't mind it a bit. I have enjoyed the years of Princess mania, but I am okay with letting it go now.

God bless to everyone out there reading along with our journey. We especially appreciate those of you sending it along to friends through Facebook, etc.

I am trying to make an effort to be much more practical about this next adoption (I know, scary thought since I am already so practical), because when emotions get involved, it is hard to walk away from something you know you should walk away from. That is why I told Lisa that I thought we should make up our minds before talking to the birthmother this time. We both have big hearts and want to think the best of people, so I didn't want that to sway us at all.

We needed to be practical, practical, practical. In the end, it was an easy decision because we could not do it for 3 reasons, and we just matter-of-fact made those decisions. It felt good to be in control for a minute. Then it felt not so good when I e-mailed the case worker telling her we were going to pass. That means we have nothing else in the fire that we know of....

I still believe God will help us find the right birthparents and baby. Being at Disney World is certainly a good distraction from it all.

Buzz Lightyear's Nemesis

And please, don't worry about us. If anything, it was nice to have a moment where we felt some control over our adoption experience. We are fine and have lots of good distractions going on right now.


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