I don't know what it is about becoming a parent that has caused my predominant feeling to be worry. I don't mean to say I worry all the time, or that I am losing my mind worrying, but I don't remember worrying as much as I worry now.
Of course, I worry about Maggie a lot. I started to name some of my worries about her, then I realized I would look like I worry too much because my list would probably be endless :-)
I mean, don't all good parents worry about their kids a lot? There is so much in this world to worry about. And of course, I don't want her to experience the shit I have in life, so how can I try to guide her to miss some of the negative stuff in this world?
It raises my anxiety knowing that I probably can't protect her from as much as I would like to think I can. Oh, why can't life just be better for everyone?
Tonight, I worry about Maggie's birthmom. I don't usually worry about her, but tonight I feel like a worried momma about her. I pray she is okay.
I also worry about some friends who are supposed to be adopting a baby about now. They have fallen off the radar screen, so I pray that they are just busy with the new baby or something good like that.
My baby dog, Tucker, who is not really a baby, but he is my baby, is blind and getting more confused. Tonight, I wasn't paying attention while I was talking to Lisa, and I suddenly realized that he had been walking all around the house (his nails on the hardwoods make a distinct noise) looking for me for a long time. I hate that he is blind and confused.
My baby kitty, Kenny, is still hanging on to life. He is not eating as much, but he seems to be doing okay. At least he hasn't been wobbly on his feet lately. I have learned that his situation can change in a heartbeat, so I am very grateful of his return to better health since our last scare. He is so skinny. He is some kind of miracle kitty to have lived so long. He is so sweet. Every time I get in bed he cuddles up with me--which makes me think something is going on with him because he never used to be so cuddly for longer than a minute.
With all the worry, I am well aware of the many, many blessings we have. Life is a mixed bag. Yep, I get it.
Tomorrow begins with a bunch of car repair expenses. After that, Maggie and I will have to ready ourselves for Lisa's birthday on Saturday. She wants a low-key birthday, so low-key it will be. Last year she wanted low-key and I surprised her with a big party. I only did so because she always loved big birthday parties, but this year, she says she means it.