Saturday, March 19, 2011

Gay or Single Need Not Apply

Back some 7-8 years ago when we first looked into open adoption, we really liked that the birthparents were able to choose the people they wanted to raise their child. Instead of handing over their child to just anyone that someone else picks out, they get to pick a family that they like, and one that may share the values that they think will be good for the child they are considering placing for adoption.

So, open adoption can be very cool in that birthparents get to pick whoever they want. They can pick a single person, a heterosexual couple, two-women couple, two-men couple, someone young, someone old, religious people, non-religious people (you get the drift, it's their choice).

It is true that there are many agencies and adoption attorneys who work with same-sex couples and single people, but there are also a ton who outright refuse to help these people. It is not one of those situations where gay or single people's money is just as good as heterosexual married couples. For these discriminators, they think they know best who birthparents should pick to adopt their children, so they don't even allow birthparents to know about these other people wanting to adopt.

Some 7-8 years ago we were delighted that there were adoption professionals and websites that would work with us as equal human beings wanting to adopt a child. It is hard to believe in all this time there are still so many agencies and websites that refuse to allow same-sex couples and single people to let birthparents know about their desire to adopt. It is hard to believe these discriminators are so hardcore in their discrimination as if they have superior knowledge about who will be a good parent, and who will not.

The other day, I decided to write very nice e-mails asking some of the profile sites why they did not have any same-sex couples listed on their site. These websites are important because so many birthparents find their adoptive families online now. From my e-mail, they could not have known whether I was a birthmother or an adoptive parent. And do you know what, not a one of them wrote me back. You would have thought they could have at least said, we're sorry, our values just don't allow it, or something like that.

Well, despite the obstacles so many of us face in creating our families, birthparents are still finding us, and I think most of us are doing a spectacular parenting job. I am thankful that so many birthparents chose those of us who are gay or single. We just have to work a lot harder to make sure they find us.

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